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Vicious Love Pygmy

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[09 May 2007|09:37pm]
I am home for the summer.

Let's make this one count.
crazy babies

[08 Mar 2007|01:30am]
I got my rhythm back.

Motherfuckers represent.

Check this shit out:

In Memoriam

The last time I touched him, he was cold. Cold not like ice, but cold in a way that terrified me. Cold in a way that told me the only man who ever loved me, who never let me down, was gone. It was an unbearable coldness; it could not be executed with a blanket. It was an arctic chill that permeated throughout the room, freezing everyone in its wake.
“Are you all right?” my dad asked me uselessly. He never saw me like this before. He never before saw his sturdy oldest child become unglued and based on the look on his face, he was nervous—I could not be reached. I was trapped inside my grief and numb shock. It was as though I was not me and this scene was a part of a nightmare. I am one of those able bodied souls who can handle just about anything—I can go through break ups without tears, computer problems with only a touch of profanity, and bad luck with just a pissed off sigh. Death is one aspect of life I cannot handle because it is permanent. Another boy will come around; another computer can be purchased; and bad luck comes in threes, so life will eventually go my way. Most people do not arise from the dead; once dead, always dead. Therefore, I cannot remember my response to my father’s question; I had never felt death before. I had experienced it, but I had never before felt its frigidness at the tips of my fingertips. It was more real than life itself.
Before I left the room, I stared at the stiff body before me and I remembered. I remembered how my grandfather patiently taught me how to tie my shoes and I remembered how he tirelessly pushed my sister and me on the swings in the backyard of my childhood home in Chippewa. I considered him my hero. I considered him to be tough. He had been in the Navy, after all. To my childlike mind, that made him strong.
He was, too. After he was in the car accident when I was in second grade—the one that sealed his fate, I visited him in the hospital with my grandmother and sister. He sat up, looked at us, and smiled. I knew he was going to be all right. He was my Buppy; Buppy was always going to pull through. That vision of his recoveries stayed in the back of my mind even after I got the call telling me to come home, he was dying. As he lay in the hospital bed, the childish part of me expected him to sit up in the bed, rip off the oxygen tank, and ask when dinner was.
“Are you going to be all right?” my dad asked me when we were in the truck, en route to Carlow. Although Buppy died at 3:00 pm, ten minutes before I was to leave for school, I felt it was a necessity to go back. There, I could perhaps think and maybe wake up from this nightmare.
“No, Daddy,” I answered honestly, causing the tears to flow again. I sobbed as my father drove on in the rain. Tears ran down my face and breathing was next to impossible. My father just remained silent.
Fourteen days later, I still cry when I am alone at night. I sob until I hyperventilate and have to run to Joe, the only person who seems to be able to talk sense to my blubbering. Call me if you need anything, he says. The truth is, the hole in my heart has not been filled. I walk downstairs in the morning, and I am not greeted with Buppy’s cheerful “good morning.” When I am eating breakfast, I do not hear his footsteps coming into the kitchen to keep me company. He is not there to greet everyone who enters the house. He is not here.
You never get over losing someone you love. You never get over the emptiness of not having either him or her there. It may get easier with time, but that person will never be erased entirely from you heart. I love him. I always will. We share the same blood, and that enabled me to get out of bed for the first days after his death. That enables me to carry on with my life. I didn’t need any of the things my mom saved for me; I share blood with the greatest man who ever lived. I got lucky. For that, I am thankful.

I don’t believe in marriage and I don’t believe I will ever completely content in a committed relationship, but if a man with any shred of my grandfather’s goodness came along, I would tame my restless spirit to be with him because men like Buppy are gems. One in a million, a dime a dozen, all those other clichés. He was a good man, a truly good man and I will never forget the way he loved me.
crazy babies

I [26 Feb 2007|11:53pm]
What's up again, LiveJournal? Lord knows how I've missed you.
What's up, Miss Natalie. Lord knows how I love you.
What's up, life? I forgot how to smile somewhere along the way.
It seems as thought I lost my beat and my rhythm.
Oh, what's Little Kayla without her grin.
Not a damn thing. Not a damn thing
crazy babies

I [26 Feb 2007|11:53pm]
What's up again, LiveJournal? Lord knows how I've missed you.
What's up, Miss Natalie. Lord knows how I love you.
crazy babies

For Kyle: [23 Jan 2007|07:57pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

It's the damnest thing
and I hate to say it
but I'd take you back
if you walked through that door.

crazy babies

Him again. [13 Jan 2007|12:43am]
"It will get better," he said.

I hate him because I am not sure what he meant. "Better" in general or for us? I hope he meant both.
crazy babies

[06 Jan 2007|12:11am]
Seriously,Winter Break '06. Give me a break. Tomorrow's the last day, so can we please make it all right? Jesus fucking Christ.
crazy babies

[27 Dec 2006|07:41pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

Suck a dick, winter break '06.

crazy babies

[03 Dec 2006|07:05pm]
I seriously hate everyone with the exception of a few people. Let me tell you why:

-random ass people from Monaca keep IMing me and apparently Nic, too.
-I have not heard from Kyle in EIGHT DAYS.
-I am sick.
-Facebook is ruining my life. By "facebook," I mean bitches who tell my dad shit he should not know are ruining my life.
-I have too much shit to do.
crazy babies

It's been awhile. [25 Nov 2006|10:16pm]
What's up, eljay? I missed you, but your new layout sucks monkey balls.
crazy babies

[23 Sep 2006|09:04pm]
[ mood | loved ]

It is.

crazy babies

[12 Sep 2006|11:54pm]
[ mood | curious ]

"It's okay. I loveyou."

But is that really enough?

crazy babies

[06 Sep 2006|12:21am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

This is the most faggish, girly conversation I have ever had with anybody:

BaLlsiStER02: I = love you
sweetpea6631: i love you more
BaLlsiStER02: na-uh
sweetpea6631: :-*
sweetpea6631: haha
sweetpea6631: yes i do
BaLlsiStER02: =-O
sweetpea6631: i so love you more dont argue with me
BaLlsiStER02: i love to so much times infinity
BaLlsiStER02: *too
sweetpea6631: hahahahaha
sweetpea6631: well i love you ten more times than that
BaLlsiStER02: pssh
BaLlsiStER02: im so glad you wandered into my room that one night
sweetpea6631: hahahah because now you just cant get enough of me hahahhahaha
sweetpea6631: i understand
BaLlsiStER02: you know it
sweetpea6631: it happens
BaLlsiStER02: especially in that hot pink towel
sweetpea6631: hahahahhaha
sweetpea6631: i knew it
BaLlsiStER02: yeah
BaLlsiStER02: that just did me in
sweetpea6631: yeah i figured....people just cant control themselves around me
sweetpea6631: i know
sweetpea6631: lol
BaLlsiStER02: it is difficult
sweetpea6631: hahahaa
sweetpea6631: your too much
BaLlsiStER02: i do what i can
sweetpea6631: hahaha
BaLlsiStER02: well, pretty, im going to go write and have an early night because my room mate is sick and I don't want to make too much noise
BaLlsiStER02: I'll see your pretty face tomorrow
BaLlsiStER02: :-)
sweetpea6631: night bye

Auto response from BaLlsiStER02: facebook, writing/studying, bed, classes in the am

BaLlsiStER02: I = love you
sweetpea6631: i love you more

sweetpea6631: i love you

Remember what I said about this being the second time of my life I have ever been happy?

crazy babies

[02 Sep 2006|11:54pm]
[ mood | content ]

L3au6En12: i had feeling your might have been upset about that

I still  think she's the only person in the world who knows me.

crazy babies

[27 Aug 2006|02:09am]
[ mood | content ]

I currently have two girls sleeping in my room

(one on the floor and one in her bed)

I am hotter than I have ever been in my entire life

(I smell like ass twenty-four seven)

I miss Kyle more than I have ever missed anybody 

(except my best friend & Aaron)

I laugh more than I ever have before

(my room overlooks a crackhouse)

I became friends with the most  kick ass girls in the world

(seven is our lucky number)

....we even have a boy friend


I haven't had time to get on AIM in ages.

(We skip orientation)

This is the second time of my life I have ever been happy.

crazy babies

summer '06 [21 Aug 2006|10:58pm]
[ mood | summer ]

  I hate entries like this. I hate telling people directly how I truly feel; I leave that to my regular journal. Nevertheless, for once in my life, I have something to say.

Nicole said once to me: "You're lucky you're not here this summer."

She was right. I had apprehensions about moving this summer. I was leaving behind everything I knew and everyone I loved to come down to this hellhole. Acutally, I went through with it on an inkling. My inkling was proved correct.

This summer has been the worst and best in my life. Best because I "lost" my mother, made some major mistakes,  found out who my real friends are and lost what I thought meant the most to me. Best because I met some kick ass people, bonded with some family, found out who my real friends are, and fell in love twice; with the most wonderful man I have ever met and found my soulmate aka LB.  It seems a lifetime since Kyle's and my first kiss in the park I still  don't know the name of to tonight, when I told my followers at Starbucks my favorite fall/winter beverage. 

Yet, it doesn't seem like "good-bye" because it's not. When you love something/someone, he or she or it stays with you. Summer '06 is a part of me as much as the birth of my sister is. Here's to it. Here's to all the people I've loved, to all the fun times, and to every rule of Liberty University I've broken, which is more or less all of em:

<table bordercolor="#0000ff" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" border="0">
You are here: Home > StudentAffairs  
Student Affairs

Reprimands and Consequences
1 Reprimand
  • Curfew violation (one additional reprimand for each half-hour late until 2:00 a.m.) (check)
  • Late to Convocation (one additional reprimand for each 15 minutes late) (didn't go)
4 Reprimands + $10 Fine
  • Allowing unauthorized overnight visitor in residence room (not yet)
  • Absence from required meeting  (I don't do meetings)
  • Disturbance/non-participation during Convocation (I didn't go)
  • Dress/hair code violation: male or female
  • Failure to respond to an official call slip (for Student Affairs use only)
  • Horseplay (plus financial restitution)
  • Improper personal contact (anything beyond hand-holding)
  • Improper sign out
  • Missing Convocation
  • Music code violation
  • Outside residence hall after curfew
  • Residence hall disturbance/noise violation
  • Unauthorized borrowing (plus financial restitution)
6 Reprimands + $25 Fine
  • Attendance at a dance
  • Direct disobedience/disrespect
  • Disassembly or removal of residence hall furniture
  • Entering entryway of opposite sex on campus or allowing the same
  • Gambling
  • Improper social behavior
  • Possession and/or use of tobacco
  • Unauthorized room change
12 Reprimands + $50 Fine
  • Attendance at, possession or viewing of, an "R," "NC-17" or "X"-rated movie
  • Deception
  • Entering the residence hallway of the opposite sex or allowing the same
  • Entering the space above ceiling tiles
  • Out of residence hall overnight or substantial portion of the night without permission (after 2:00 a.m.)
  • Participation in an unauthorized petition or demonstration
  • Possession and/or viewing of sexually explicit material
  • Possession of a school key without authorization
  • Safety/security violation
  • Students of the opposite sex visiting alone at an off-campus residence
12-18 Reprimands + Corresponding Fine
  • Malicious horseplay/behavior (plus financial restitution)
  • Obscene, profane or abusive language or behavior
18 Reprimands + $250 Fine

+ 18 hours Disciplinary Community Service

  • Association with those consuming alcohol
  • Commission of a misdemeanor
  • Entering a residence hall apartment or quad of the opposite sex or allowing the same
  • Entering bedroom of the opposite sex on/off campus or allowing the same
  • Failure to properly identify oneself
  • Falsification of information on an official document
  • Racial harassment
  • Sexual harassment (i.e., unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors or other conduct or comments of a sexual nature)
  • Sexual misconduct and/or any state of undress
  • Threat to do bodily harm
  • Vandalism (plus financial restitution)
30 Reprimands + $500 Fine

+ 30 hours Disciplinary Community Service + possible Administrative Withdrawal. NOTE: For each accumulation of six or more reprimands after 30, an additional $150 fine will be assessed.

  • Abortion
  • Academic dishonesty
  • Assault/sexual assault (minimum two semesters out)
  • Commission/conviction of any felony
  • Failure of three Christian/Community Services without reconciliation
  • Illegal drugs-association/possession, use/distribution (minimum two semesters out)
  • Immorality
  • Involvement with witchcraft, séances or other occult activities
  • Life-threatening behavior or language to others or oneself (immediate removal/exclusion from campus and a minimum of two semesters out)
  • Non-participation/disruption/non-compliance (possible removal/exclusion from campus)
  • Possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages
  • Refusal to submit to an Alco-Sensor test and/or drug test as specified by the administration
  • Spending the night with a person of the opposite sex
  • Stealing or possession of stolen property (plus financial restitution; minimum two semesters out)
  • Two or more individuals of the opposite sex together in hotel/motel room without proper permission
  • Unauthorized possession/use of weapons

</tbody> </table>

[5] crazy babies

[19 Aug 2006|02:39am]
[ mood | bored ]

I tried to light this cigar I bummed from Sexface Matty Lemieux.


I burned my thumb.


My room smells like cherry cigar.


But it's okay.

crazy babies

tonight [18 Aug 2006|02:39am]
[ mood | headache ]

This says everything:

BaLlsiStER02: tonight=one of my faves
kkaeela: my thoughts exactly :-)
kkaeela: so glad you came
kkaeela: wouldn't have been the same without my other half

I fell in love with the city of Pittsburgh again. 08.22.06 :)

crazy babies

[17 Aug 2006|03:56am]
[ mood | happy ]

It's nearly four a.m.

My room smells like cigaretty boys.

I can smell Joe on my arm.

I've had enough cuddling for about fifteen minutes.

I'm smiling.


Twas a moooooovie night

with my friends.

Let's do it again.

Viva the rest of summer '06.

crazy babies

:) [15 Aug 2006|11:03pm]
[ mood | loved ]

I looked into the mirror in his bathroom. My hair was mussed, my skin glowing,
Love makes me pretty.

crazy babies

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